The Real Low Down On Bangkok Nightlife - Not That Simpering Shandy You'll Get Elsewhere

[panadolsandwich]

Wwwhhhhhooooooooofffffffffffffff thump squids - this is a deep dish of jive you need to get hip to and I'm gonna pull those coat tails for ya.

 

Well there's been a deplorable dearth in reviews of the Thai P4P scene - it all appears to be travelogue and advertainment. A soulless advert for a world that bears no relation to reality. No gritty nitty - so in order to set things right this roundup is exclusively for Thai360 members.

 

First of all the Salty Gobb, located on soi 7/2, only a jism's arc from - the did God just fart on my dick? with the random sodomy organisation known as Eden. Here for a measly 300 baht you'll get all the juice sucked from your balls by two girls tag teaming. Little known - so a great tip for those punters that need to be told where to go.

 

Whilst on the subject of the big ๗, there is a charming restaurant called Fabattoir, where you dispatch your meal yourself before the option of bbq or hotpot. Great atmosphere and I always call in there after a night of clubbing with some young impressionable Thai uni chick. Nothing charms it seems as much as smashing a chickens face off - with a velvet hammer.

 

Talking of clubbing, you really can't go past the สถานีห้วยขวาง Huai Khwang district where if you walk into the LampLit bar you'll be one of very few Farangs who can only be allowed in if you allow the Thai doorman to give you a a fat lip - well worth it, when you see the uni girls on offer. Where it really shines is in the knob out room - you sip your cocktail and the uni girls inspect the goods. I have to say it's become a real haunt of mine.

 

Closer to home of course is soi cowboy and you can't go past Jettisons where there is no floor in the club (jet air propulsion is used to hover the girls above the bar) - mainly popular with Japanese business men, I enjoy the spectacle of watching them while they themselves are watching those twats with a laser focus - well one has to have a hobby these days.

 

Ooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooo, still getting those flashbacks but, Nana seems to have entered dementia phase with the opening of the Dreamy Twat where the principle entertainment appears to be a show featuring a fat weeping bitch playing with toys. C'mon!

 

In brighter news further down soi 4 the new bar The Steven Seagal Baby Collective have a bomb made of jazz, feathers and G-strings, with the ingenious idea of having boozy girls singing naked strip hop.

 

Also there's a new type of freelancer, as mad as a crab on telly - will do anything, *anything*, and my advise would be find 'em, fuck 'em and flee. Mind that, simple to remember FFF.

 

If you check out the streets of Bangkok at 3am you may spot johnny depp and his monkey bitch firing their cannon dogs around with a compressed air mortar, they're vegetarian, and will obediently come back once fired.

 

Well that's just the entree, I've barely got into the meat and spunk of the matter, but it's nighty night 360 heads. Recently I've been doing everything in slow motion, to a very plush standard. It's a slow tax dodge, or holiday - more news from the simpering idiot soon. Cheers.

[panadolsandwich]

The news donkey is peering into the NEWS pipeline and his face - well it's making a face somewhere between sombre, downright depression and the glint (but nary a flash, perhaps a glimmer) of optimism. We must steadfastly watch this donkey's face as if he's our portent of life itself, if only because he's managed virus-like to entwine himself into our very own DNA.

 

Ok, I'm completely aware that a volte face is completely unacceptable on this board - a 180 is out a fashion, but if I'm going to give the 360 a spin, might not I spin 360 more times then one? Indeed if I could actually spin Thailand on it's axis (presumably Hua Hin or my preference Udon Thani?), which would be the most favourable orientation?

 

Well fear not, my precognition is just a ramp up to my promotion of this new club that will blow the hot balls off of a backwards sheep.

 

At the far end of Soi 4, the far far end, there is a inconspicuous shop that specialises in fellatio. The girls wear air hostess uniforms - I did a Nok Air girl not long ago. Well it's a premium service, this girl actually was a Nok Air stewardess, I accompanied her to the airport. Expect to pay high prices, they *will* not bargain - and will (quite) rightly kick you out on your arse. I rarely if ever give 10/10, but sweet Jesus what a sweet fuck. 10/10.

[Coss]

Prices? So one is not arse kicked? Ans distinguishing features of the shop? Or do I look for airline staff?

[panadolsandwich]

Ok here's what I paid - but it's hard to put in terms of a neophyte. Dempsey (as usual) tipped me off about the place and it's invite only. The draw is the girls are those HiSo babes that like a bit of farang rough - if you understand me. I didn't have a champagne budget (more's the pity)), more Chang style, so I initially I chose a stewardess, but funnily enough after many visits I've later found the HiSo chicks can be manipulated to pay you. You become the whore! Well I don't want to lay all of that ideology on you just yet - it's far too premature and would require a post the size of a book.

 

They have strict requirements though, you must pass an STD test while a lackey accompanies you to a clinic. Of course I'm a surgeon so I wrote my own medical pass if you will - no need for that.

 

The beauty is the doorman is quite reasonable once you present credentials and if you cajole him enough (speaking Isaan has saved me thousands of dollars by now!), he'll allow you in for a measly 1000 bar. Once in you are free to experience the wonder of free enterprise; hence the warning regarding high prices.

 

A coca-cola for the lady will cost 5000 bar - however most often if you are presentable, the real hiso chicks will offer to buy *you* a drink with some kind of osmium credit card. If you 'pull' her you will be whisked away in a late model BMW to her apartment. At that point there is no requirement for a sheath, and the girls will mostly do anything. It's up to you if you wish to get their phone no. - but good luck with that! They'll probably give you a number for a level 4 mobile. Because I can speak Thai as I said before, I play hard to get, and make them pay (they can easily afford it). Going this way is both heaven and hell, you get a hot chick to pay to fuck you, but like a Tamagochi they need continual maintenance. I was joking about this with Dempsey, whilst in marathon surgery, I had to answer the call - it was my extra urgent mobile - held to my ear by the anesthetist , and all the staff were agog whilst I told this girl in wicked slang she was just a slut I fuck from time to time and stop calling me when I'm at work (all in incomprehensible Thai to them of course). It was foolish of course to have given her that number anyhow, but for expediency (another story) I'd done it. Later she later apologized profusely. Then sent me a large amount of money.

 

Anyhow the Nok Air chick was happy with a measly 5000 bar and a lift to Don Mueng after we'd quite literally gone through the Kama Sutra all night.

[bust]

A coca-cola for the lady will cost 5000 bar -

 

[Dumsoda]

I'm with you Bust.....I call total BS