My story is real no one made it up..read more!

[Guest]

why don't you let him post a few responses on this thread - as mentioned earlier - I'm sure there are people on this board that could help him out - so let him engage in the discussion

 

 

 

also, assuming it is true that he can't get an IT or English teaching job - then why can't he take on some manual labour - or work in McDonalds/KFC for example - I'm sure they would like a western english speaker to deal with tourists

[Guest]

"This is a person intent on destroying himself or using the threat of destroying himsef as a tool to manipulate others. Get away from him as quickly as possible."

 

 

 

I have to agree. Dump him! It is weird to see almost the photographic-negative reverse of the usual situation, where the farang man has fallen in love with the Thai girl who has put him in a bind. A reminder that these matters can run both ways.

[Pom Michael]

Hansum_Man,

 

 

 

Not a chance to get a work permit for this type of activity. No store could / would hire him, not even a Lotus/Big C etc... unless he was in the upper management of the company (not at the store level).

 

 

 

It is getting more difficult to find a good job now, mainly due to the problems in getting a legal work permit.

 

 

 

Cheers!

[spirit_of_town_hall]

The IT contracting market was incredibly bouyant 2 years ago here in the UK. Then you had guys who previously had been builders ( no offence to builders they probably earn more now) doing a VB6 course with a bit of ASP thrown in walking out of the course and getting £25 per hour then after six months £50 per hour or £65 an hour in London.

 

 

 

For a good Java developer with a strong C++ back ground they were lookin at £ 70 if you had Coldfusion you could write your own cheque.

 

 

 

Those days are well and truly gone, no ite brick layers who are commanding the big bucks.

 

 

 

STH

[Long Gun]

Thank you Long gun,I am sure my B he is not a type of that lazy guy or a paracite I well know in him, He just having a terrible time, and can't get out of it so, I must help him and help us to carry on.

 

 

 

Some of what I write here might sound like I am just taking the piss (making jokes at your expense) but that isn't my intention, honestly.

 

 

 

I think it is unlikely that what you suggest as a solution is going to help anybody, really:

 

 

 

a) not your boyfriend because it is only going to allow him to sink deeper into the clinical depression it sounds like he is now dwelling in. If his problems relate to a loss of self-respect, his girlfriend screwing strangers for money may not be what he needs - unless his name is Luisbkk that is!

 

 

 

not yourself, unless you are considering this move because it is something that actually appeals to you because

 

 

 

i) you enjoy sleeping with strangers who you choose and being paid for it, or

 

 

 

ii) you think this might offer you a way out of your relationship and the chance to meet someone new

 

 

 

c) you two as a couple - what you suggest doing, with or without his knowledge - is probably going to have a very negative effect on your relationship unless

 

 

 

i) you are looking for something to spice up your relationship, or

 

 

 

ii) he gets off on watching you screw other men.

 

 

 

he cried he used to cut his wrist, took the medicine. Because he want me to have a new life. because I expect to stay with him until last minute of our life.

 

 

 

OK, it is classic attention seeking bahaviour which many of us here have had to deal with with our female friends. If someone really wants to kill themselves then it isn't too hard but he still clearly needs professional help, if only because next time he might make a mistake and get it right. Getting that sort of help isn't so easy here in Thailand though, especially since CSB (Community Services Bangkok) closed down last month. Psychiatric care could be very expensive, I don't know what provision there is for the poor. There is a psychiatric unit at Chulalongkorn Hospital which is a research unit so I think they offer free services but I don't know if you have to be referred there.

 

 

 

for now, he could not help me I think this is my respond to take care our life after I let he tried his best for a year but unfortunately for him, so now he has to accept my idea my way. I love him more than whatever(except my mum) I love him more than myself so,what I can do for us I will do. he is the best man for me who can be my friend, mum, teacher, and my baby in the same time now,everyday he does house work for me cooking, washing, taking care of me I love him

 

and he love me. anything happend he wont blame me along I stay with him closed to him everyday. yes, he still looking for a job but I never trust to find the job from internet

 

 

 

OK, so its clear that you love him very much and this explains why you are prepared to do whatever you have to do. Unlike some of the people on this or your other thread, I don't see a problem with that kind of role reversal where you choose to be the breadwinner and he takes on the homemaker role. However, given your current situation, I think your set-up needs to change. How much are you earning from your day job? I am assuming that it is no more than B20,000 per month but please correct me if I am wrong. It is NOT difficult for an unqualified farang to earn considerably more than that and even though it may require him to get off his arse and kiss a little of someone else's, it has to be a preferable solution to you selling yours!! (What a great sentence!!)

 

 

 

It may be the first step that is the most dificult, actually getting off his arse, especially if he is as ill (mentally) as he sounds like he could be. That's where you may need help. I think someone asked about what your boss/his friend thinks about all this and I don't remember you replying. Can I ask the same question?

[gobbledonk]

STH,

 

 

 

I know what you mean re every man and his dog flocking to IT, although you generally need a degree or extensive experience (preferably, both) to get a gig here in Oz.

 

 

 

We often joked about our 'London Branch', but a lot of them will be back within the next 6-12 months (several have already come back, and are now working in lesser roles than the ones they occupied with us). Admittedly, some of them have made a lot of money, and had a blast touring Europe etc (Oktoberfest, anyone ?). I'm more concerned with the crisis of confidence in our local IT market - even though our economy is currently defying the global slowdown, there is a definite push to shed staff in an attempt to make balance sheets look healthier despite poor sales figures.

 

 

 

Meanwhile, we have Universities pumping out IT grads all over the shop : all the talk 3 years ago was of a massive skills shortage and the need to find Java programmers etc fast. Lets hope the next two quarters bring better news.

[Guest]

Firstly, I am NOT nor do I pretend to be a psychiatrist, but for what it is worth your situation appears to have nothing to do with money, job, car, apartment, bars, but rather that your boyfriend is suffering from clinical depression and unless one has been bitten by the ?Black Dog? (as Winston Churchill described it) is IMPOSSIBLE to fully explain to another and perhaps not even then.

 

 

 

Recognizing it as such is the first step to HIM getting the help HE needs. Unfortunately, Long Gun is correct about it not being so easy and I am sorry to hear that Community Services Bangkok closed down last month, as it would have been a great place to start. LG?s alternate suggestion of the psychiatric unit at Chulalongkorn Hospital sounds like a viable alternative, but there are some simple steps that he can take that may or may not yield results:

 

 

 

1. Recognize the problem for what it is: clinical depression.

 

2. Stop consumption of any substances that may be compounding his depression (if in fact he is doing so).

 

3. Discuss with the doctors at whatever hospital/center you do seek help from the use of anti-depressants. They are a short-term stopgap approach that may get the dog to release its bite long enough for him to clear his head and set a more positive direction.

 

4. Daily exercise works wonders (for me and many other people at least).

 

 

[Guest]

Dear Jittima,

 

Seemed to me you already made decision ..keep car? you can have it back.. in about 3 months saving,push he doing something No he does tired everything he could but still nothing.. Yes working in a bar is the best solution yoi can make 100,000 per month more or less,(I guess) go for it.

 

If you are sure.Its your life and at the end you are only one who living with it.

 

But looking at kids that selling flower on the street,looking at a girl who working as a bus att, a girl who selling fruits .If everybody who are poor and miserable turn to bar girls ,how many million prositues Thailand going to have?

[Guest]

Dear Jittima,

 

Seemed to me you already made decision ..keep car? you can have it back.. in about 3 months saving,push he doing something, No he does tired everything he could but still nothing.. Yes working in a bar is the best solution.You can make 100,000 per month more or less,(I guess) go for it.

 

If you are sure.Its your life and at in the end you are only one who living with it.

 

But looking at kids that selling flowers on the street,looking at a girl who working as a bus att, a girl who selling fruits .If everybody who are poor and miserable turn to bar girls ,how many million prositues Thailand going to have?

[Steve]

Lots of varied advice for your BF. I will agree with earlier posts that there is some parts of this picture that is still unclear. His country of origin for one. If its that hard as you both claim to secure employment in BKK and you two are in love as much as you say then your relationship can survive a brief separation. He should go to his home country and work, save money, learn a new, more marketable trade, etc.

 

 

 

Years ago I had a girlfriend that got a better paying job in another city and it was difficult but it showed we could live apart and still remain as a couple. We eventually got together again in my city.

 

 

 

With regards to your boyfriends actions, the posters are correct about his behaviour. We are farangs and know how farangs act and his slashing of wrist, crying, etc. is not what a farang would do. Some people come to Thailand to escape their old lives and situations in their home country. They didn't function in the society they are from and its easier to come to Thailand and do that. He has emotional problems.

 

 

 

Practically every farang on this board will have a story in which they could not secure employment or good employment, some may be experiencing that now. Every one has that sort of story. I certainly do.

 

 

 

However, love is not only blind, its deaf, dumb and has alzheimers sometimes. I truly wish you the best of luck but you may be looking at the situation with love in your eyes and not thinking objectively. Yes, we do not know your situation or your boyfriend totally, so who are we to offer opinion or judge. But you came to us so we are offering it from an objective, non emotional point of view. And the consensus seems to be your boyfriend's problem isn't the job market but himself.

 

 

 

I can tell you as a farang, if you go to the bar, very few men can accept that long term. If you were already in a bar, then emotionally its easier for a farang man to deal with the fact, as all of us on the board has, but to do it after the fact, is a different matter. They type of person you described will resent you or hate himself if you do bar work.

 

 

 

His country of origin is needed information. If he is from an English speaking country he could even do private tutorship. If not, temporary relocation back to his home country may be warranted.