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An odd job guy knocks on a front door and asks owner if there's any odd jobs he needs doing around the house. Owner replies he could paint the porch if he likes with the tin of paint he has in the shed out back. Two hours later odd job man knocks on door again to say the jobs done, "and by the way its not a Porsche it's a BMW".

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A teacher asked her third grade class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

 

Little Larry answered first. "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

 

Shocked by his reply, the teacher ignored it and tried to continue.

 

"And how about you, Sarah?"

 

Sarah said: “I wanna be Larry's whore!"

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TRYING TO RESET PASSWORD:

 

WINDOWS:

Please enter your new password.

 

USER:

cabbage

 

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

 

USER:

boiled cabbage

 

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

 

USER:

1 boiled cabbage

 

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces

 

USER:

50damnboiledcabbages

 

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

 

USER:

50DAMNEDboiledcabbages

 

WINDOWS:

Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

 

USER:

50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYo urAssIfYou

Don'tGiveMeAccessNow!

 

WINDOWS:

Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

 

USER:

ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCab bagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon't

GiveMeAccessNow

 

WINDOWS:

Sorry, that password is already in use

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Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Chicago, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck…pale, hands shaking in fear, almost crying.

 

"What’s the matter, afraid of flying?†Bob asked.

 

“No it’s not that. I’ve been transferred to Chicago. The people are crazy there, right?

 

Lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor schools and the highest crime rate in the nation.â€

 

Bob replied, “I’ve lived in Chicago all my life. It’s not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. I’ve worked there for 14 years and never had the slightest trouble.â€

 

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking. He said, “Thanks, I’ve been worried to death. If you’ve lived there all those years and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. By the way, what do you do for a living?â€

 

“I’m a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck.â€

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